the nicest way I could think of calling this guy a big, insensitive meanie

After a long day at work, I walked to my car to discover that at some point in the day, my dearest, parking-garage neighbor chose to cozy up his vehicle to my driver-side door.

By "cozy up" I mean park so close that, after a few attempts to squeeze through, I contemplated going into the hotel kitchen and dipping myself in a vat of butter to slide my blubbery bits into the mouse hole that led to my steering wheel.

I was slightly miffed.

So I wrote this note and placed it ever so politely on the offender's windshield.

And then I ran.

"Dear Person,
Thank you for affording me the opportunity to exercise my talents as a contortionist.
I have often wondered if I would ever be given the pleasure of going through exhausting efforts to enter my driver side door.
I hope that you are spreading this joy throughout the city by parking as close as possible to every car you see.
THANK you, and please continue on your quest to challenge the patience of people worldwide!"