He's not cooking for me. Oh no. I'm drinking hot tea, eating a block of cheese and heart-shaped pretzels by the fistful while watching Watson kick Jeopardy's ass. Me dost think I'll have chocolate chip cookies from a plastic tin for my Valentine's Day dessert.
Lavish, I know.
What does one do when one's date is busy is cooking fancy dinners for the rest of the city?
Research the history of this beloved holiday, of course! That, and stalk the rest of the world's Valentine's dates. Thanks, Twitter/Facebook/Foursquare/Reddit/Google!
Google told me the most without saying anything at all. This is what the country is concerned with tonight.
After bringing myself up to speed on everyone's date-night escapades, I decided to find out who this Valentine guy really was and what made him so great that, even centuries after his death, he still has the power to make single girls consume entire pints of Ben & Jerry's and watch Nicholas Sparks movies with tears in their eyes.
You know what I found out? Nobody really knows! How disappointing is that?
I've decided to write a report on my findings. Instead of creating a boring, copy-and-paste report -- like much of my 9th grade St. Augustine coursework (please don't tell on me) -- I've decided to create my own interpretation of the history of St. Valentine's Day, since everyone else has.
Author's note: Any and all anachronisms are intentionally excessive.
Sometime in Ancient Rome
Sometime later...
A few years later:
Sometime in the 14th Century:
Present day:
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