What to do if an Indonesian Tiger Makes Eyes at You

This morning, I was reading an article about how some wildlife dudes have planted secret cameras to take pictures of animals that are too elusive - and fangy - for humans to photograph. So instead they use fancy machinery and infrared sensors called camera traps. I drew you my version of a camera trap:
 

One of the cameras managed to capture a picture of an Indonesian tiger. This guy was a big one. A big, furry, fangy, kitty just waiting to be loved and petted. How does one go about interacting with such a creature, I wondered.

I found out you can ADOPT a wild tiger. How, totally, awesome. I want one. I will name him Tigger (duh). I made a map of Sumatra, where Tigger will grow up:

Of course it would be impossible for me to ever reveal my true identity to Tigger. He would have to go on believing that all the improvements to his habitat were just some kind of natural event and not at all related to my monetary donations.

But what if I happen to be in Sumatra on a wild and awesome adventure, doing adventurous things on a jungle trail, and Tigger steps into my path? I'm pretty confident that the Christian the Lion reunion was something God only allows once.

So I've made a list of things to do in case Tigger and I ever lock eyes.

1. DO NOT ACT LIKE MEAT: Ok, I know this one is hard considering humans are just giant meat bags anyway, but my plan is to strike a cardboard cutout pose to confuse him. 

2. APPEAR TO BE FLAVORLESS: Have you ever had a steak seasoned with only salt and pepper? It's totally delicious. So, no sweating in front of Tigger because it'll only make his gigantic mouth water.

3. DISTRACT IT WITH BAIT: This can easily be accomplished by carrying a knife or machete. When the tiger approaches, I will slice off one of my travel buddy's appendages (Or one of my own. It depends on whose appendages will be most enticing.) and toss it into the bushes beside the tiger giving us time to run.

4. DO NOT GET LOST IN ITS HYPNOTIZING GAZE: I've heard that tigers have beautiful eyes. I have a red-nose pit so I kind of know what it's like to be enchanted by a beast. But Tigger will probably think that I'm threatening him, so I'm going to wear gaze-blocking shades anytime I hike in Sumatra.

5. THREATEN TO DUMP WATER ON IT: If it works on small, feral kitties, it should have the same effect on an Indonesian Tiger.