Run Fail

So, yesterday was Monday. A new day. The best day.

Unlike today: Tuesday, the stale day.

But at least it's not Wednesday. On Wednesday, the week ties a rubber band around its arms, taps a vein and injects itself with infectious bacteria that gnaw away at everything and plant moldy seeds of destruction. And while Wednesday's eyes roll back in its head and it slumps down into a dark corner somewhere, the evil mold-planters carefully obliterate every last glimmer of hope that dares enter the week until Friday afternoon.

But by then, all the days have been overcome with hate-mold and bitterness so that you have to throw them all out and pretend time doesn't exist...

Until Sunday Night shows up and beats you into submission with its bat full of spikes, nails and other sharp pokey things, cursing at you for thinking you're better than it.

Because you need days.

But I digress.

Monday was the perfect time to remind my Brains that they had a responsibility to keep my body fit and active. After two weeks of vacation and one full week of constant cake-to-mouth action, all my muscles had essentially atrophied. Even lifting delectable chocolates was overwhelming to the sinews in my arms.

Brains were all inspired and ready to give Muscles a pep-talk. Especially Abs, because they had become droopy and slovenly over the weeks. So we all bucked up and decided to go for a run.

BRAINS: This is great! Doesn't this feel great?

MUSCLES: Meh.

BRAINS: Let's run a mile! No, lets run TEN miles! We're gonna be SUPER HEALTHY!

MUSCLES: Please stop.

BRAINS: Come on, Legs! Be awesome!

LEGS: No.

BRAINS: Dammit, Legs! Two weeks ago you climbed up a bajillion stone steps to the top of three stupid-high mountains in the middle of nowhere. You can run one lousy mile!

LEGS: Meh.

BRAINS: Don't you want to be awesome??!!

LEGS: Seriously, cut it out.

BRAINS: Faster!! Weeeee!

LEGS: If you don't stop, we're gonna give out on you.

BRAINS: You wouldn't do that. Feet won't let it happen.

FEET: Don't bring us into this.

STOMACH: I'm not enjoying this so much either.

BRAINS: Shuttup! No one asked you.

STOMACH: Seriously, all this movement is affecting my food-retention skills. I don't know how much longer I can hold it.

BRAINS: Suck it up dammit!

LEGS: Alright, that's it. We've had enough.

BRAINS: Don't you do it. Don't you dare -

LEGS: Told you.







STOMACH: Oh God!

BRAINS: ..... I hate you all.

DOG: Stupid human.